Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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