bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
