No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
