hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
