My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
