Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
