i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
