If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
