i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
