Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
