"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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