I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
