I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
