Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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