based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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