i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
