I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize