just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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