We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
