kristin has been a bad kristin
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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