oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I faked an abortion last night.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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