Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
