Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
