i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
