I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
