It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
