I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
