I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
