I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
