Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
