Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
