I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
