The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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