I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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