Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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