I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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