Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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