Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
