i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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