"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
