I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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