can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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