At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
