can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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