I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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