So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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