i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
