call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize