Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
