I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
