i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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