DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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