im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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