Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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