I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
