the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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