fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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