That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
