My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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