I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
