3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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