When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
