took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
