With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
