Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
