and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
