no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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