u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
