i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
