In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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