is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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