Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
