This girl is more easily done than said...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
