I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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