I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The uberlube is also flammable
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
