So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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